True Refuge
Two reflections that may serve you during the holidays
Something that’s become very important to me is knowing when I’m causing myself unnecessary suffering.
It’s hard to notice because sometimes life seems to be what’s inherently deficient, not me. But I’ve come to see that there’s great maturity in realizing how whole reality already is and in fact, it is I who seems to be a great contributor to life not being the way I want it.
There are just two reflections right now that I hold very close, checking in with myself often as to whether I’m adding dissatisfaction. These reflections are:
What is here without me adding a thought to what is here
What is here when here is not a problem to solve
Believing our thoughts to be absolutely true and incessantly solving seeming problems (in ourselves and in others) causes us an immense amount of heartache. I have seen this clearly in my own experience and yet it takes a little time to patiently untangle who I think I am from a lifetime of being a certain way.
When I do take just a moment to reflect on the simplicity of these two questions, I find myself touching on what remains. An aliveness. A soft receptivity. A quiet knowing. A Self who doesn’t need anything to be a certain way. A reality that is already accepted.
And when I’m with others, I find myself holding more space, being less judgemental, and opening my heart to the shared plights we all face.
What remains for you when you reflect on these two questions?
Have a wonderful rest of the week, and if you would like to stay in touch with us over the end of the year, join us in the chat thread where we will be sharing some of our more peaceful moments with each other.
Sez, your reflections resonate deeply with me—thank you for sharing these questions.
For me, there are no problems, only challenges. A problem feels static, something heavy demanding resolution. But a challenge invites me to choose—how to engage, whether to engage, and how to be with it.
Your first question, *What is here without me adding a thought to what is here,* reminds me of the quiet strength in mindfulness. When I step back and refrain from labeling or solving, I’ve noticed that challenges often shift or dissolve on their own—not through avoidance but through a kind of spacious non-engagement.
Your second question, *What is here when here is not a problem to solve,* aligns closely with how I approach the outcomes of my choices. I see every interaction as holding two parts: 50% comes from how I am with something—my mindset, my energy, my presence. That is the part I can fully control. The other 50%, the part I cannot control, comes from the external world—how others respond, how circumstances unfold.
By focusing on my 50%, I’ve realized that even non-engagement becomes a form of mindful action. Choosing not to engage doesn’t mean ignoring; sometimes, it means creating space for the challenge to resolve itself or for time to do its work.
Paul Watzlawick said, *You cannot not communicate,* and I feel similarly about engagement. Even silence or stillness sends ripples into the world. How I meet a challenge, or choose not to meet it, shapes the outcome of my 50%.
Your reflections invite simplicity and remind me that reality itself is not inherently a problem. It’s often my resistance or attachment to outcomes that creates struggle. Thank you for this reminder—it’s a beautiful gift to pause and reflect with these questions.
Wishing you peaceful moments this holiday season,
Jay 💚
Dorothy Hunt writes,
"Peace is this moment without judgment.
That is all. This moment in the Heart-space
where everything that is is welcome.
Peace is this moment without thinking
that it should be some other way,
that you should feel some other thing,
that your life should unfold according to your plans.'
It was quite a shocker to me to find out that it was my perception that was causing my dissatisfaction with life. I had never really ponded what my part was in the struggles of life. When it was pointed out to me that in every situation where I was playing the victim or holding a resentment, that I was responsible for harboring those feelings. I had a part. And my part was looking at things from the perspective of my ego. That little part of me that wants me to believe that I am separate from the larger whole.
I still sometimes feel separate, resentful, victimized....but I now come back home to my heart of hearts that is consciousness itself.
Blessings for this moment without judgement........
Noel
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