Hello you,
I was walking through a lush forest recently. A rocky path meandered beneath my feet, sashaying around twirling trees and perfectly poised boulders. This rugged path arched a little in the middle and dipped down either side into two small ditches, full of frogs and lizards, and otherworldly creatures. The gentle rain tiptoed across the hood of my jacket, and I carelessly splashed my bare feet into the pools of muddy water.
Even in a place like this, my mind races. It doesn’t read the room. It doesn’t try to fit in or have any social etiquette.
Quiet, the stream beside me hushes. Slow down, an outstretched fan of the palm bush waves at me as if I were speeding over a pedestrian crossing. Be here, the thick oak of the bloodwood encourages me - which is of course, easy for her to say.
I am practicing, with fervor, coming back home to my body. It went missing a while ago. Did yours too? Have you found it yet?
The mind is clever and can even imitate a heart-like connection to a body that has been lost to grief, trauma, or plain old tolerance of the intolerable. But this mockery of a mind-induced heart-ish connection somehow doesn’t venture below the shoulders.
The mind has a leash and can only wander so far. Imagination is what our minds use to extend themselves further. And this is when we realize we’ve become living, animate, yet counterfeit hearts - because we spend all our time in the attic and never in the kitchen, where the real sustenance is.
I walk in these lonely places because I want to know myself. Among other humans, I am a ball of flesh and bone, a thing of pain and joy. I am everyone’s heartache. I am everyone’s delight.
But in nature, I’m something else.
It’s like a piece of me wasn’t quite dipped completely in the human paint - something or someone had to hold on to my ankles as I descended, and their unsoaked grasp still marks me as part of a Great Something Else.
Do you feel that too? Where on your body did the Divine hold you as you entered this world?
Suddenly, from the depths of my mind’s well, my daughter’s small hand crept into mine.
I closed my eyes.
And I kept walking, blind, not knowing where we were going, just feeling our way through it all. And suddenly this hand in mine felt multi-dimensional, full of blood and energy and life. It felt soft as freshly kneaded dough and it contained the entire universe within it. She was separate but very much a part of me.
And the road all of a sudden became exaggerated, with stones that felt like broken glass. And the dip on either side could be felt by its subtle tilt. And the rain became holy. And the trees weren’t silent anymore but deep in communion. And my heart burst through the trap door between it and my mind - and nothing was separate, I was just one open dwelling space, in a relationship with everything around me.
And all we could do was giggle and try our best to keep our eyes closed because that was where the fun lived.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
I have more questions than answers and that means life is one big uncertainty.
Is it the same for you?
What I have found in the many years I have lived in liminality, is that you do not need to see in order to navigate your life.
Knowing all the answers is a requirement of the mind, not the Heart.
We can feel our way through even the toughest times, eyes closed, hearts open to the unknown ahead. And if we can hold those dearest to us close, we will be in good company along the journey.
Remember, dear friend, the woods know where you are even if you don’t. The dirt and the herbs and the high-perched bird knows where you are. These are all aspects of our own bodies, our souls, and the Divine that resides within us.
If we can learn to come back to our bodies, if we can learn to collapse inwards, into ourselves, we can rise above anything…
and of course, if a giggle can escape our lips while we’re at it, we will be infinitely better for it.
Here’s to closing our eyes to what we cannot yet know and to opening our Hearts to what is right here beneath our feet,
P.S, I created a free meditation last year called Receive, Reclaim & Recognize your worthiness about the power of keeping our metaphorical (and literal) eyes closed. You can deepen your journey by listening to it if you feel called to.
DOWNLOAD your Heart vs. Heart-ish screensaver here
For those beautiful souls who are paying members here, I’ve created a visual download to help you distinguish the difference between your Heart and your mind-dressed-up-as-the-Heart. I hope it serves you through resonance today.