Dearest Reader,
I was 8 years old when I first felt that achingly deep void inside my body. I was sleeping at the open entrance to a self-built shelter that overlooked the Blouberg mountains in South Africa and it was our last night of school camp. While staring up at what seemed like Infinity’s spangled cloak, I remember feeling a small hole open in me, like an ink dot spreading outward. It came with a knowing that I didn’t belong here; not here at camp, but here in this body, on this earth.
Since then, I’ve always had an intimate relationship with this un-belonging. I’d argue it was the most familiar aspect of who I used to be. I sought to fill that ‘void’ with alcohol, substances, relationships, travel, knowledge, and spirituality, but it was to the detriment of my sense of wholeness. It rendered me incapable of being fully here, in the place I didn’t feel like I belonged.
We are called home in many ways by the soul, the source, the Self; the essence of who we are. For myself, it was through the cry of a crisis so deep and wide that I thought I would lose myself forever in its widening chasms.
But as it turns out, I wasn’t called to fix this void I felt within; I was being invited to meet it.
Today, on my 41st lap around the sun, I’d like to share with you a 7-part, guided meditation course I’ve spent the last two years working on.
In this course, we look at the 5 bargains we make with life that make us believe that we do not have what we need to be whole; the bargain of sovereignty for belonging, truth for stories, refuge for self, body for god, love for healing. We will discover for ourselves the wholeness we already and always are – no matter what we believe, no matter what we think, no matter how we feel about ourselves.
I have truly loved gathering this course in its many nuances, from curating the sound effects on my many walks over the summer in Denmark to working with Nordic musicians who have given their talents so openly to help these words come to life.
I feel no more the creator of this course than I do the potted fern beside my table now. I feel like I have simply given words the right environment to grow - and I’m endlessly curious about the ways certain elements of this course converged on their own without my interference.
You can listen to the introduction in the audio link at the top of this newsletter now to see if it’s the right fit for you.
If you’re a paid member of this Substack, you get a 15% discount on the course through my website (please see the end of this email for the code).
The doors to a members-only chat thread specifically for discussions about the course are open from today, no matter where you decide to listen to the course.
If you have an Insight Timer Premium Membership already, you can also start the course now:
Or you can access the course on my website and begin today:
Perhaps you have already started this year with some intentions to change who you are in some way but I would plea for you to know yourself first before you invest any more time and energy into that desire. Because self-realization changes the axis upon which your life spins – it changes the landscape you navigate your way home. It changes who this life happens to and in that seemingly insignificant change, all of life becomes quite unfathomably mysterious and peaceful.
I hope this new course offers you something you have perhaps not considered before – that your own light can lead the way; a light that might have been buried under many identities, illusions, dependencies, traumas, and beliefs that doubt the very idea of your inherent wholeness.
I can’t wait to see you in the community thread chat so we can start remembering the truth that we can never bargain anything away that is essential to us, and that the hole within is our most sacred invitation to finally come home.
In sincere gratitude,
