Burning down the house
Don’t forget to listen to this full audio with the mediation, or to the preview to see if patronage is for you.
Fellow Whole-Self devotee,
Imagine that you are building a home for yourself. It’s a very important place for the future. Every morning you prepare the clay, the sand, the fly ash… During the day you shape it and every night you place this brick in the kiln, ready to be set next to one made yesterday.
What kind of home are you building for yourself? What are you preparing to live in tomorrow?
We are all preparing ourselves for whom we are to become.
Before my ‘dark year of the soul,’ I showed all the symptoms of impending self-annihilation. It’s handy to have journals to creep back through after something significant happens, even if it’s just to assure yourself that it couldn’t have been any other way. But in truth, I’d have to go back 39 years because I’ve been preparing myself for this moment my whole life.
I wasn’t conscious of my preparation. However, every night I’d write down how much I was struggling, and how I wished more than anything to be able to pull my mind apart so I could choose what went back in.
We will get everything we’ve ever wanted once we stop asking for what we don’t want.
We are preparing ourselves for the future we’re going to inhabit. Every day is a brick we add to that home. Some of us land up going through enormously painful processes that burn the house down in order to rebuild something better. And I have to say, it’s easier to lay down new foundations after a wreckage.
If we really want something, it is going to look very different from what we expect. And then the real, hard, nauseating question is, do we really want it?
If you had told me what was going to happen to me in order for my deepest wish to be granted, I would have thanked you kindly for your time and walked away, very quickly in the opposite direction. I honestly don’t think I consciously wanted it bad enough, but I know my unconscious wanted it more than life itself.
As Jung says,
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it Fate.”
In the thick of my crisis, when I had little choice as to whether I wanted it or not, I made the choice to learn from the underworld I found myself in. I didn’t rush out of it – I spent painful hours, weeks, and months, being with what it had to show me, with a bravery I wasn’t aware I possessed.
Today, I am eternally grateful for the chance I was given to start my life again from literally a different mind. I don’t think it would have taken any less to get here.
My question for you this week is a very honest question and not just a reflection on how you are dealing with your life today.
What are you preparing yourself for? And do you really want it because sometimes it takes an incredible amount of courage to receive it.
We often don’t want it, but it happens anyway, through illness, disorder, and losses of all nature. And when we find ourselves there, we have to ask ourselves, what change did I need that I pushed away? What life did I envision that never came to be? What way of being in the world was I seeking through the external?